Joseph Beggs was born on a warm spring day, June 2, 2002. I remember it so clearly, as my wife’s water broke at home, and the reality set in that we were soon to become parents. The thoughts and dreams you have before becoming a parent are soon replaced by the true joys and hardships of parenthood. But we were both so happy with Joseph's arrival—a healthy baby boy weighing 7 pounds, 12 ounces.
His early months were very "normal", but, of course, they were very special and dear to his mom and I. Then, the first indication that something might be "different" came during a visit to his doctor for his 18-month check-up. The doctor asked me several questions, observed my son, and then said that it might be nothing, but she wanted to refer us to York Region Early Intervention and wrote "PDD NOS" on the referral. I didn’t fully understand what she was saying; I had never suspected anything was off in his development. Maybe I was just too busy enjoying the ride. I got home and told my wife, and she asked why. She was angry. It's crazy the many emotions you go through during that time.
After many visits to doctors and finally getting an appointment for a psychological assessment, we received the report confirming what we had hoped wasn’t true—a diagnosis of autism. All I knew about autism was Dustin Hoffman and Rain Man. "It can't be," I said, but more than that, I was unaware of what this all meant. I was still not convinced, after all, there is no true test for autism—only observations of "tea time" and your child’s imaginary play.
As the years went by, and milestones continued to be missed, I began to accept that it was just a delay… you keep seeing what you want to see. Then I was told a story that I think is common in the autism community—about the trip to Italy. You've imagined this trip your whole life. You're excited to visit ancient ruins and taste the amazing cuisine. You smile just thinking about what’s to come. But when you're about to land in Italy, the captain announces that the plane is being redirected to Amsterdam. You’re alarmed and stunned. You wanted Italy, not Holland. You’re angry because your dream vacation seems to be slipping away before it even starts. But then you learn that in Holland and Amsterdam, there are many things to discover, like the beautiful tulips and the canals throughout the cities.
And boy did we ever discover the beauty of this new journey!
Joseph has taught us so much, and the journey has been challenging but incredibly rewarding. Milestones that many people take for granted, like a simple dinner at a restaurant, became achievements we were eventually able to enjoy—and they almost went unnoticed in terms of how much we had accomplished as a family. Two years after his birth, Joseph was joined by his younger sister, Julia, who we joked would be his interpreter. We spent many wonderful "normal" family moments together, especially enjoying trips to water parks and Myrtle Beach in the summer.
We discovered many special talents in Joseph that flourished throughout his life. His fine motor skills were evident in his creative plasticine characters and cars. He definitely put a lot of thought and design into every detail of his creations. He also developed a passion for song and dance, and you couldn't help but smile watching him playing music while dancing or air-drumming with the biggest smile spread across his face.
Joseph favorite past time would be spending time with his Gross Papa - the two of them have always had a special bond. He was most helpful in drives to and from his IBI school and many other adventures. Probably his most favorite would have been the PA days where they would travel downtown on the RT train and subway, walking around the Eaton Centre and seeing Rob Ford at City Hall.... and maybe the purchase of some of his favorite candies.
Joseph has always enjoyed being around others—just being included brought him great joy, whether it was biking or jumping on the trampoline. Although he didn't communicate in the typical way for his age group, he clearly enjoyed the company of his peers. We were fortunate to have a very close-knit group of neighbours who became our extended family. Joseph grew up playing on the street with all the neighbourhood children- we are so lucky to have this village.
Our family faced a tremendous loss when Joseph's mother passed away when he was 12 years old, just six weeks after his grandmother passed. This loss was especially hard for Joseph, as his communication delays made it difficult for him to talk about his feelings and properly grieve, which lead to frustration and anger. These were very difficult times, particularly because the typical happy, vibrant Joseph who enjoys interacting with others was missing.
Joseph cherishes his family and friends above all else. School has been a significant part of his life. Legacy Public School was his first extension of family, and he never wanted to miss a day. He then attended Pierre Elliott Trudeau and Bill Hogarth, where, as before, Joseph enjoyed being active within the school community, building relationships with his peers and teachers alike.
In high school, Joseph had many opportunities to engage beyond the classroom and be part of the community through several job opportunities. His first job was stocking shelves at a local convenience store, which sparked a passion that continues today in his search for Wonka Nerds (the old package). He also worked at McDonald's, Dollar Tree, Sheridan Nurseries, and the Markham Community Centre.
Unfortunately, as Joseph got older, he began to face additional challenges, with an increase in OCD and anxiety behaviors, adding complexity to his life. However, his desire to interact with others and his joy for life remain constant. Joseph is an affectionate person who loves those around him and is always ready for a hug. He does not sit back and wait for people to come to him, he is always reaching out to his favourite people through text, calls or Facebook messenger.
As Joseph's high school journey came to an end, our family faced the great unknown of life beyond school. He watched his sister go off to Guelph University, which I believe caused some confusion for him, as he wondered, “What about me?”
Our family situation also changed as my partner and I welcomed two new children, giving Joseph a new brother and sister. His love language is gift giving and nothing excites him more than going to the store to buy others their favourite candies. Every time he goes to a store now, he makes sure to buy his little sister Myla a Kinder chocolate egg.
We explored several full-time programs, but some of them made us feel that Joseph wasn’t a good fit. I recall one instance where the feedback was that Joseph had raised his voice and made people nervous. If that was their concern, it was clearly not the right fit. After all, sometimes people raise their voices, and it’s good that they can self-advocate—that’s a form of communication.
When we learned about the Centre for Dreams and spoke with Kyle Graves, I gained a much deeper understanding of the program and its philosophy. In this journey, you begin to discern those who say the right things because they have to versus those who genuinely believe in what they’re doing. I quickly sensed that they were sincere and empathetic and felt it was a place that would accept Joseph as he was and continue to help him grow.
As a "member," Joseph was now part of a new family. All of the worries I had were quickly eased by Kyle. He acknowledged my concerns but reassured me that Joseph would be okay, which is what we all want and need most.
Joseph has now been a full-time member of the Dreams family for a year and a half, and as his dad, I am so happy he is able to be a part of it.
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